Following Under Pressure
by Flowerbudd
Summary: My dreams for the next episodes
1. Chapter 1

Derek looked at his wife in disbelief, "you're thanking me for the most boring sex ever?" They laughed together. "Well maybe when we have more time we can make up for it, and try to be more exciting?" She suggested, arching a brow. He smiled, and rolled out of bed, heading to the shower. She leaned back and smiled, it had been rough going, but in the past 2 weeks Derek and her had gotten along better. Better yet, Derek and Meredith had seemed more distant. She hadn't walked into any more awkward moments, and they hadn't even scrubbed in together in 2 weeks. She had a feeling everything was going to work out in the end, and was very glad she hadn't given up, even though so many times she had wanted to. She had been nice to Meredith, ignored the looks they passed back and forth, and forged ahead bravely, and now it was finally paying off. There had been more smiles, more laughter, and he seemed happier.

Izzy stuck a pin in her hair, effectively bunning it on her head. She tugged at her scrub top, slapped on her stethoscope, and eagerly set out to Denny's room. "Where do you think you are going?" Bailey asked her, coming from around the nurse's station. "Umm, checking on patients and stuff, " Izzy said. "Stevens, do I look mentally challenged?" "No, Dr Bailey….." Izzy trailed off. "Stevens, this patient thing.. you are not to work on his case under any circumstances, are we clear?" Izzy hung her head down, "yes, very clear." Miranda looked up at her dejected intern, damn these feelings rolling around this hospital. "Look Stevens, you don't handle his case. What you do on your off time is not my business." And she marched off to check the other idiots she had to oversee. Izzy swallowed a squeal, and headed to look at the schedule. She could handle not working on his case. If it meant being able to still see him as a civilian. People who worked here had family in this hospital all the time, it wasn't ethical to work on someone you cared about. She smiled, yes she cared about Denny. It was good to admit it. He made her feel so clean and whole and happy. And they hadn't even slept together or really really kissed.

Callie woke up, and smiled, feeling George pressed up against her. She guessed she better wake him up, in case someone walked in. It wasn't always that great living in the hospital for reasons just like this. He had showed up, said he felt out of place at his friend's house. She had started to cut his hair when he had asked her, and the next thing she knew they were rolling around on her mattress.. all night!

Derek lingered at the trailer after Addison left for the hospital. He had been trying so hard lately. He enjoyed Addison again. It was nice not hating her. Giving Addison more of his attention made him realize how much his feelings had changed. He felt relieved to see such a clear road to follow now. He had been focusing on punishing Addison all this time, and feeling so helpless and swept along by despair, wasting so much time. He had given in to misery. No more. He knew that he and Addison could be friends again if they kept trying. That had come back. He had missed it a lot more than he had realized. He just had to tell her.

George, Alex, Izzy, Cristina, and Meredith all waited at the nurse's station for Bailey. George was standing near Meredith, not quite ignoring her as much as he had been. He had done a lot of thinking after talking to her father. Figured out that Meredith had been to see her dad on THAT night. Understandably, predictably she had gone and drunk it away, and come home sensitive, vulnerable. McSteamy had showed up that very same day, rocking the foundation. Meredith never handled stress well. Plus, he really liked Callie.. a lot. He somehow didn't have the desire to be mad at Meredith anymore. He felt her looking at him. Shrugging, he turned to her and smiled, "Hi Meredith." Her eyes opened huge, and before she could respond he had started off after Bailey as she led them down the halls.

Meredith was shocked, George had spoken to her. Izzy was looking at her, smiling. She had heard it. "Wow! He talked to you," she whispered to Meredith, as they hung back some. " I know.. am I dying or something?" Meredith joked. "10 bucks says he spent the night with Dr. Bones, "Cristina chimed in. "What!" Meredith and Izzy gasped. "Burke kicked him out last night, " Cristina giggled. She explained about her naked stroll stunt and they started talking until Bailey turned around and gave them a dirty look. Meredith felt almost happy. Her friends were going back to normal. She had even spent an enjoyable evening at a totally new bar, with a very handsome vet. She thought she might be on the road to mend, finally. She looked up, smiling, and was surprised to see Derek leaning against the counter, looking at her. He smiled when he saw her looking back. Okay, so her heart caught a little. Well a lot. Well that was going to happen for awhile. She just had to keep going down that road. She nodded to him, and turned her attention back to Bailey.

"Yang, you're with Burke. O'Malley.. pit. Karev, the Chief is letting you scrub in with him. "Stevens, Dr Montgomery-Shepherd. Grey.. Shepherd. Questions?" They all shook their heads. "Good." She headed off, and they all scattered to their assignments. "Cristina, would you tell Denny I'll come see him on my lunch?" Izzy pleaded. "yea, whatever" she replied. Meredith squared her shoulders. It had been 2 weeks since her and Derek had been alone together, or actually even near each other. A few nights ago, she had been in the lobby and he had been at the desk, sending her glances now and then, and then he headed headed off with Addison, but not before looking back at her longingly. She had thought how ridiculous that was, if he wanted to be with her so bad, why wasn't he? That was when she had decided that enough was enough, and managed to avoid him all this time. It was surprisingly easy, but then Seattle Grace was a pretty large facility. All that proved was how much they had both sought each other before. She had realized that she had subconsciously set up meetings too. It had been really hard avoiding him. Painful to be honest. But she was sure eventually it had to get better. She hoped. There hadn't been any walks to take with Doc being sick in the hospital. Finn had been running all kinds of tests, and he still didn't know what was wrong with Doc. He was being kept pretty much sedated. Finn refused to let her sit there and mope over him, and she had been able to avoid running into Derek when he visited Doc thanks to Finn. He had insisted that Doc was too sedated to know, and had prompted her to go out instead. She had seen more of Seattle in the past two weeks, then all these months combined. She walked up to where he was consulting with a RAD tech. "Dr. Shepherd" "Ahh, Meredith, I asked Bailey to send you" "So what cases have we got?" she asked, determined to be all business. Derek gave her the special smile. She concentrated very hard on the film on the panel in front of her and ignored it. Woot! One point for me she thought. Getting stronger by the second. Derek's face fell. Meredith had completely not noticed him smiling at her. He had given her their 'look'. "So, " he tried again, " I thought for sure I would have seen you visiting Doc." Meredith turned, "Oh I do, but Finn doesn't want me to sit there and be sad, so I only stop by briefly, it's hard to see him like that." Oh shit, she thought as she saw Derek raise his eyebrows. "Finn?" "The uh… vet, Finn… Dr. Dandridge?" She shook her head slightly to clear it. Derek was staring at her intently. "He uhm, well I've been worrying about Doc, and asking him a lot of questions and all. You know how doctors try to set you at ease, well he told me to call him by his first name." She explained. Derek looked into her eyes for a minute, as if trying to read her. Don't be readable Grey! She screamed at herself. "Well .. of course." Derek answered. "Oh , wow, is that a bleed?" Meredith pointed to the films. Derek looked where she was pointing, and started to explain the case, being put off track successfully.

"Karev, This is a simple cholecystectomy, You perform, I will assist." Alex grinned. "really Chief?" "Really." Richard smiled. Alex was arrogant. He was cocky. But he was going to be a damn fine surgeon. He noticed Alex got treated like the ugly stepchild. He shook his head. This year the damn attendings and interns were more like a soap opera cast than surgeons. He had decided he had to start involving himself in the guidance and instruction of these newly forming surgeons. He assisted Alex in performing the simple procedure, while half remembering his own days as an intern. His Ellis days… Ellis and he had been interns together eons ago. It had been almost instant, the attraction. Adele and he had been married for 2 years when he met Ellis. Ellis had very nearly rocked his marriage to the death. He had stayed, one of the hardest decisions of his life. Not a day went by that he didn't think of Ellis, and have some regrets, but all in all he had been happy with Adele. He loved her after all these years still. But if he had it do over, he would have gone with his heart. If he had known about Derek and Ellis' daughter beforehand, he would have never called Addison. Every day he faced the consequences of what he had done, ultimately throw a man he respected and thought of as a son in many ways, into the very same kind of hell he had lived in all these years. Worse, he had done it to Ellis' daughter. It was ironic, sad. He was glad Ellis wasn't really here to see and know what was going on. He had seen the look on Derek's face when he came up from surgery that terrible night the bomb went off. It had wrenched him to the gut. He shook his head sadly.

Cristina adjusted the leads on Denny's chest. "You don't like me Dr Yang?" Denny asked with a charming smile. "You're a patient, sorry if I'm not mooning at you, " Cristina retorted. "Ouch" Denny looked a little wounded. "I'm sorry" Cristina said, noticing that she had been maybe a little rude. "by the way, Izzy said she would be here at lunch." Denny lit up. She flipped a few switches, and headed back to find Burke. There had better be a surgery somewhere.

Izzy smiled at the patient laying in the bed. She was a Honduran woman, very tiny, and her huge pregnant belly looked impossible. "Don't worry Mrs. Rivas, we will take care of you and your babies." "Report Stevens" Addison said, walking into the room. "Mrs. Rivas, 29, primipara, 32 weeks gestation with twins. Placenta previa suspected, and this week Mrs. Rivas began to present with hypertension and proteinuria." "Treatment?" Addison asked. "The previa and pre-eclampsia indicate the need for giving birth now, via section. Betamethasone for fetal lung maturity and magnesium sulfate." Addison smiled at the young intern. "Very good Stevens, we'll give her 12 hours and then deliver her, you will scrub in, consider the case yours." She walked back out. Izzy looked down at Mrs. Rivas, she looked nervous. "Don't worry Mrs. Rivas, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is the best, " She sat down on the patient's bed and started to explain to her.

"George!" George turned and saw Callie. She smiled at him, "wow O'Malley, your hair looks hot." She winked. He smiled. It was nice to have someone who really saw him, and wanted him. Callie was a pretty great girl. He knew it was going to take a little bit of time to get out of the habit of Meredith, but he honestly felt that it was passing fast. He felt more sorry for Meredith than anything else.

"So, do you think he needs surgery?" Meredith asked Derek, as he was concentrating on the MRI screen. "I don't know yet." He murmured. The lines forming on the screen were very vague, he was frowning trying to piece them together. It didn't help that Meredith was sitting so close he could smell her. It was very hard to concentrate. He was so happy to be back near her. He wanted to shout to everyone how he felt, not that his feelings were so crystal clear to him, but he owed it to Addison to talk to her first. He was hoping that they had become friends enough that she would understand. He knew she would hurt, but she had to feel what wasn't there anymore too. He resisted sliding his arm around Meredith's waist. He leaned slightly closer so he could smell her hair though. Meredith closed her eyes, and prayed for strength. Derek was sitting so close to her, his thigh was touching hers. She could feel him breathing on her neck. Goosebumps were forming. She couldn't suppress a small shiver. She hoped he didn't notice. Aside from giving her the look, he had acted very professional today, and she wondered if he had decided to move on too. Maybe all the had needed was time apart to start healing. Derek wanted to just stay like that all day. He felt so complete just being near her. Working with her was even such a pleasure. He respected her, and hoped she would decide to go neuro, she definitely had the aptitude. Of course he had pretty much tried to use her as much as possible, and most of her surgeries were neuro, but she was very good, and could read films almost as well as he could now. He didn't want to make the diagnosis, because then they would get up.

Lunch! Finally. Izzy spritzed some perfume on, and debated taking down her hair. Nah, too obvious. She settled for some lip gloss, and set out for the cardiac unit. "Hey you, " she chirped, sticking her head into Denny's room. Her face fell as she noticed the beautiful brunette sitting at his bedside, holding his hand, and such a look of love on her face as she gazed at the sleeping man. She looked up at Izzy's entrance, surprised. "Oh, excuse me" Izzy straightened her lab coat," just checking on the patient, excuse me." She backed out of the door, and headed blindly down the hallway, to the locker room. Locking herself in the bathroom, she buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

Alex sauntered to the table in the hospital courtyard. "So I just performed surgery with the Chief assisting me , do you want to touch me?" he pushed up to the table and sat down. "oooh yea, I have THE goto of cardio-thoracic surgery, who is also young and hot, and makes bank, in my bed every night, and you think you would impress me intern boy?" Cristina retorted. "You know you want to see it Yang, you want to see my wang admit it." Cristina snorted. "Where's Izzy?" Alex asked noticing it was just him and Cristina. "Don't ask me evil spawn." She went back to her sandwich. George walked past, and headed over to a table where Callie sat. "Well, no Izzy, no Mer, no George, guess no need to sit here anymore, " Cristina got up, and grabbed her tray. Alex was too busy wondering where Izzy was to do more than nod.

"Clamp that bleeder there, and we can start to close", Derek said to Meredith over the table. They were scrubbed in, working on their patient. "I've got it" she said, finishing. "ok, now guide the probe out slowly, fantastic, and just to ..there..perfect Mer!" Derek smiled at her over his loupes. "thanks" She smiled, and started to stitch. "that was flawless Mer!" Meredith finished closing, and looked up to the gallery. Addison was standing there watching. Well I didn't do anything so let her stare, we haven't even flirted. She nodded to show her she had seen her, and handed her tools to the scrub tech. She smiled at Derek, thanked the crew, and headed to the scrub room, pulling off her gown and goggles. He came in right behind her. "you know, Meredith…" "Sorry Dr.Shepherd, I've got to go. 2pm is my 80 hr limit. See ya." She walked past him and out.

"So, I have to be on call tonight and do a late c-section" Addison was waiting when Derek came out of the scrub room. "Oh, I'm sorry" Derek smiled. Just being near Meredith all morning and afternoon had put him on cloud nine and he loved everyone right now. "Maybe tomorrow night huh?" She asked him with a smile. "For what?" he asked. Her face fell a little bit, she was frustrated he wasn't remembering. She had watched him very carefully through the surgery to see how much attention he paid to Grey. She had felt very nervous when she saw their names on the board together. She smiled at him, and leaned in to kiss him. He smiled back and kissed her lightly on the lips and walked off, calling back "have a good night." She had so much trouble reading him… was he distracted, why? From where she had been standing she could only see Grey's face, and she had been very professional. She hadn't seen any looks.

"Dr.Yang, meet Carrie, my little sister." Denny said jovially, as Cristina returned from lunch. Cristina smiled at the pretty young brunette sitting next to him. "she's hoping you guys have some good news, but I told her I'm destined to live here. By the way, Izzy never came by." Cristina was only half listening as she pored over the nurse's notes in his chart. "mmhmmm." She said vaguely. Every time someone was paired with Burke, some completely awesome surgery happened, and here she was on medical duty. She decided to see what Preston was up to.

Derek closed the last file on his desk, and decided to head out early too. He wondered if Meredith had gone to see her mother. He wished he could just call her and see where she was, and spend the rest of the afternoon with her. He knew he needed to talk to Addison. He decided to stop by to see Doc and then maybe he'd get some fishing in. He left the hospital and headed to the vet office. Seeing no parking spots, he parked a few blocks away and walked over. Walking in, he somehow knew before he saw it, that something wasn't going to be right. The receptionist wasn't at her desk, and he walked back to the kennel room as he was prone to doing. There stood the vet holding Meredith. Yes, he definitely was holding her. His arms were around her. Dr. Dandridge looked up, and smiled. " Dr.Shepherd, nice to see you today, I was just about to fill Meredith in on Doc's condition." Derek saw Meredith freeze, her body rigid as a board. Dr. Dandridge released her when he felt it, with a confused look on his face. She slowly turned around. "Derek… both of us having the afternoon and seeing Doc… haha" She laughed nervously. Oh, So it was Derek now? It had been Dr.Shepherd all damn day, and now it was Derek? He walked in and sees her in the vet's arms and then she's calling him Derek? Meredith noticed the look in Derek's eyes. He was mad. Very mad. And he wasn't speaking, and it was turning into a huge awkward moment. She looked at Finn. He was no doubt, piecing together this strange behavior. "So, Dr. Dandridge says that he thinks he might know what is wrong with Doc." Both men looked surprised at the Dr. Dandridge. Derek was angry, but he felt a glimmer of hope. She was frazzled. Obviously distressed he had seen her. That had to be good. "Oh yes, Doc seems to have Hypoadrenocorticism. Lethargy, nausea, whacked out electrolytes.. I'm surprised I didn't see it sooner." Derek looked at the vet, in awe. "Doc has.. Addison's Disease?" he almost choked. Meredith widened her eyes. Finn hadn't gotten to the diagnosis yet, he had instantly grabbed her when she came in. She had been trying to psych herself up to kiss him. Addison's disease. My God, the irony. She knew some other people who had Addison's disease. Derek and Meredith looked at each other. She was so stunned, she couldn't mask her self in time, and they shared a look and a smile. Finn noticed. He stepped to the exam table, grabbed the chart. "So we have to do an ACTH test, and then we go from there." He didn't like the way Dr. Shepherd and Meredith were looking at each other. Dr. Shepherd had a perfectly gorgeous wife. Then he chuckled as he realized what they were laughing about, Addison was her name. They looked at him. "I get it," he said, " that is funny, your wife.."he trailed off laughing. They both laughed nervously with him. Meredith turned and grabbed her bag. "Ok then I'm going now." Both men moved towards her slightly. Derek opened his mouth and Finn said "Mer, wait, I told you I'm done here and we can go down to that little thai place I was telling you about." Derek cringed hearing her called Mer. Meredith headed past them both, they heard her say something about mother. "I'll call you." Finn called after her. The door swung shut. Derek and Finn looked at each other. Finn noted the look on Derek's face.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well…" Finn started. Derek looked at him, stopped and really looked at him for the first time. Handsome, in a woodsy type way, young, he looked younger than Derek. And single.. he guessed he could see the appeal. Damnit, he would have never picked this vet if he had been thinking straight. He'd been so out of it lately. "So when will you be doing Doc's test?" Derek asked abruptly. Finn stopped short, at the cool tone in Derek's voice. He had been very friendly and seemed to be a laid back guy up until now. He was guessing after seeing the looks Meredith and Dr.Shepherd had exchanged, that there was more to their relationship then they let on. He would have to talk to Meredith.

Meredith sat back in her car, and breathed deeply. That was not what she had needed. She was trying to edge Derek out of her life, and move on. All day he had sent her looks and been to close for comfort, she finally got away, and then BAM her whole personal life is thrown to the wind, and that look he had given when he'd seen her with Finn… it had broken her heart. She had hoped that they were both ready to move on. She knew that if Derek hadn't been jealous it would have killed her, and she hated herself for knowing that, but now she had to deal with all of it. And now, to explain to Finn. She was sure he would say something about it, Finn was a very honest person. He spoke whatever he was thinking. They had been dating for a week. She had been taking it very slow though. She liked Finn. Honestly, if Derek didn't exist, Finn would be perfect. She sighed, and started the car, relieved that Derek hadn't come out after her.

Christina was changing out of her scrubs, when Izzy walked in looking like hell. "What's wrong with you?" Christina asked. Izzy debated telling her, after all Christina wasn't a touchy feely kinda gal. "It's Denny, I saw him with a woman today". "Ohhh, so there is something with dying heart patient guy?" Christina asked with a smirk. Izzy sighed, sometimes Christina could be such a smart aleck bitch. Just because she wouldn't get caught in the situation, a little understanding.. seriously! "So you saw Denny's sister I am assuming." Christina interjected into Izzy's thoughts. Izzy looked up, hopeful. "Sister? Really hot brunette?". "That would be Carrie the sister." "Oh Thank GOD! Thanks Christina!" Izzy turned and ran out before Yang could reply. She shrugged her shoulders, slammed her locker shut, and headed out.

Izzy headed to the cardiac unit, feeling much lighter. "Hey" Alex jumped in front of her. "Oh, hey." God, Alex needed to get over it already. She stopped and looked at him. "I was wanting to talk to you Iz". "Alex, don't you think you've talked enough? It was your mouth that started this." Alex tried his most helpless, appealing look. "C'mon Iz, you can't still be mad at me, I'm only looking out for your career here." Izzy drew back, "Alex, one redeeming quality you've always had is honesty, don't blow it now." She stormed past him, leaving him with a hurt look on his face.

Preston and Christina sat at the counter of the deli, eating a quick bite. He had a salad, and she was glorifying in a massive hamburger dripping with all the fixin's. "Christina, I'd hate to think of what your arteries are doing right now." Preston teased her.  
"Since my boyfriend is a renowned cardio-thoracic surgeon, I guess it isn't too much of a big deal, he can fix me" she retorted around a mouthful of burger. Preston chuckled. Life was never dull with Christina. He hoped she was going to take his news easier than he suspected she would. "Christina, Before you 'freak' out on me, when I tell you this, I want you to think first." She set her burger down and looked at him curiously. "tell me what?"  
"My mother is going to be in town in 2 days." He figured the worse she could do is yell. She bit her lip, deciding to take his advice and think first. Oh my God, meet Burke's mother? What was he doing to her. "Well do say something," he said. What the hell, she shrugged mentally. He'd met her mother and hadn't run screaming. She guessed it was only fair to meet his. "Great Burke, that will be nice." She answered. Preston's eyes widened, "really?" "Sure, it's not like we're getting engaged or anything", she said.

Derek smiled. He really did know Meredith's heart and soul. He knew she would be too upset to go to the nursing home, or her house. The only place she would come after something like the scene they'd just played would be the coast. Meredith had acquired his thing for ferry boats. He watched her, from about 30 feet back. She was leaning on the railing, her hair blowing. She had her eyes closed. He walked towards her slowly, wanting to get to her before she knew he was there. He stood right behind her, and some of her hair blew in his face. He closed his eyes and inhaled. He was glad she still used that same flower conditioner. "Meredith," he said softly. He saw her back stiffen, and her shoulders square. She spun around slowly, and was taken aback by how close he had gotten to her without her knowing. Their faces were about 4 inches apart. He looked at her and smiled. She couldn't help but start to smile back. Derek hadn't been smiling much lately. "You're dating the vet." "I'm dating the vet." She said. "how long?" he asked. She shrugged, "about a week maybe." "So I basically fed you to the vet." Meredith arched her brow. "Well, handed you to him. He's attractive, nice, and single, I shouldn't blame you." "But you do…" she said. He nodded slowly, he did blame her and he hated himself for it. He had no right to be angry about her dating, and he knew that, but he couldn't help it. "Meredith, I know more than anyone that I have no right to expect or demand anything of you. I made a choice, and you owed me nothing from there. Trust me, I know that more than anyone does. It's selfish and childish of me to expect you to remain faithful to me. But I can't help that." He took a breath, she was watching him, listening. "Meredith, I know this sounds impossible, but all this time I have been faithful to you. I stayed with Addison to fulfill an obligation, but I refused to let my heart leave you, all this time. I've only been happy when I could spend time with you and see you. It has been hell being with you and not being able to hold you." He broke off, wanting her to say anything.  
"Derek , I'm not dating Finn to make you do this." She didn't know what to say. Derek had never told her he loved her, ever. What was he saying, what did it mean. "I know you aren't Mer, you aren't that kind of person." He wanted to just take her in his arms. He was literally struggling to come up with any words. She was being totally unreactive to his impassioned speech. Derek wasn't one to put his heart and feelings on the line, he was trying here. Meredith saw the sadness in his eyes. She felt like she was being ripped into shreds. "I don't know what to say, " she said finally. Derek hung his head, unable to look at her. Pain surged through him. He looked up, "just say something about what I said Meredith. Anything. I love you, I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." He put his hand on her face. She was unable to move back, being on the rail. "Derek…." "Meredith listen to me. I don't know what I was doing. I thought all this time you knew how I felt about you, I didn't try to hide it from you. What did I expect to happen from all this? I don't know. I hoped somehow we'd be together one day, but I was beginning to enjoy my misery and righteousness of doing the right thing. Please Meredith, you have every right to be angry, but I'm begging you to think about all this." He looked into her eyes, his hand on her cheek. She took a breath, realizing she had forgotten to for a while. She opened her mouth, not sure what to say. Her heart was doing little flip flops in her chest. She tried to resist leaning her face into his hand more. Before she could make any noise, Derek brought his other hand up , cradling her face in his hands. He leaned in and kissed her. It was like being suffocated, only to have fresh air burst in , and Meredith couldn't stop herself. She placed her hands on his, slowly winding up to his hair. And she kissed him back, shamelessly. She knew it was a mistake, and it was going to make life much harder, but there wasn't will power that could resist this moment. Derek kissed her, feeling his whole body come to life, like it had been sleeping. There couldn't be anything wrong about this, it felt so right


End file.
